so..its been a while since ive posted anything...the creative juices have been floating..they just havnt given a fuck..haha
anyhow. I was thinking about a story. Something completely and entirely true, that i could tell you guys. So here it is. I am going to tell you about when I was potty trained. And let me tell you that this is what i remember...not what ive heard my mom talk about to her little friends from the book club or whatever the fuck she does with her life.
Im not sure exactly how old I was. I was a toddler obviously. But, nevertheless, it was time for me to learn how to take a shit, properly. My mother tried for days, and for some reason I just couldnt figure that fucking toilet out. She tried the videos. A litter box..haha thats a joke..im not a cat bitches. She tried giving me gifts for everytime I would use it. But i just couldnt fucking do it.
Two months had past, and I was finally starting to get the hang of it. I was pissing and shitting like a fuckin champ. But the one thing that we have to remember is that I was reaching the end of my toddler years...i was becoming...a kid...just a normal fuckface kid. You know, that phase of every childs life where they are just little fuckfaces..they dont listen...they mock you, make you feel worthless, and will do anything, ANYTHING, to piss you off. That was me. And so begins the story of how i used my potty skills to fuck with my mom.
One night, she wouldnt let me watch my favorite childrens show. It was about this clown woman. I think her name was Molly. She would pull random shit out of her couch and she had a ragdoll with her, I think. And she wouldnt let me watch it because I didnt listen very well that day. I knew i deserved the punishment she was giving me, but I was still pissed off. and i wanted revenge.
My mom was confident that I had mastered the concept of using the restroom on my own. So I thought that I would change her mindset on the entire thing. Every night for two months straight after the night she wouldnt let me watch my show, I would wait until my parents were in bed, I would get out of bed, go to the kitchen, piss in the refrigerator, and take a shit in the hallway. and for those two months I would hear my mother scream every morning at the discovery of my unpleasing surprises...finally i became, blunt, about it. right in front of her, I would whip out my dick, open the fridge and piss in it. then i would run down to the hallway by my room, right in front of the bathroom, and take a shit...she had to whitness this...she took me to counselors, made my dad punish me. and even sent me to oklahoma to spend time with my grandparents, who were very strict...they all soon figured out that i was doing this to piss my mom off. and they immediately told her......but i didnt stop..no matter what my mother did, she couldnt stop me. Finally she broke down and asked me why. i looked her in the eye...with my dick out...shit peeking out of my asshole, and said....next time youll let me watch molly you fucking cunt.....and thus is the story of my potty training experience.